Vampire Films Ranked

I have just watched a Vampire film and like most film buffs now have a compulsion to rank it against other Vampire films I have seen. This list deals with films specifically, I don’t claim to have seen every Vampire film and need to watch ‘The Lost Boys’ at some stage, but I’ve definitely seen most of the modern ones.

I'm going to give each movie a rating, not for the quality of it, but the quality of the vampires in it…a Vampometer? Let's go with that.

10. 30 Days of Night

I don’t know if this was scary in the 2000’s but it definitely wasn’t now. I think the fact that there was multiple vampires removed any scare factor they might have had. The vampires were also devoid of any personality or clear motives, they just rock up to the town and start killing everyone, at least have the respect to drink their blood ffs.

It wasn’t terrible but with a runtime of 114 minute they could easily have dedicated a bit more time to the characters at the start in order to make the viewer care more about them. Melissa George’s entire back story was that she wanted to get to the airport and couldn’t? Oh no I hope she doesn’t die now.

Vampometer: These emo vampires would have been more interesting if they were ravaging the town for cans of monster and weed.

9. Cirque Du Freak: The Vampires Assistant

When people are asked about childhood betrayals, it’s usually a friend letting you down in some way or the girl you had a crush on not liking you back. Mine is this movie. I’m not sure how popular the Darren Shan Vampire series was outside of Ireland but it was huge here and I was obsessed. I used to finish the series and then just go back and start reading it again.

Casting the hilarious John C.Reilly as a character who is supposed to be serious and moody was an insane casting choice, while it’s no surprise that Chris Massoglia who was cast in the lead role has not been seen since. Even Willem Dafoe sucks in this movie.

Another major issue was mashing three books into one movie, while it makes sense due to the fact there was twelve books, it did not work. This movie is a lesson to any creatives who want to adapt a source material, stick to the material, it was successful for a reason.

Vampometer: This casting agent strikes me as the kind of person who would hire The Rock to play Albus Dumbledore.

8. Van Helsing

This movie is not remembered as a classic, I haven’t seen it in years but I do remember liking it. Maybe I would have a different opinion now but I remember liking a lot of the action sequences. It kind of ran like a number of short stories that bled into each other. I think this is where a lot of the criticism came from however.

Vampometer: I'm pretty sure there was vampires in this film at some stage.

7. Nosferatu (2024)

This film never really excited me due to the fact that i knew what was going to happen every step of the way. It’s one of the most blatant copyrights of another source material possibly in history. The Bram Stoker estate actually filed a successful law suit which led to an order for all prints of Nosferatu (1922) to be destroyed, with some surviving. The only deviation from the source material in this adaptation was Count Orlok dying after busting a nut.

However the major talking point here and for most Robert Egger films, was the style. The colour palette and the use of shadows and lighting made this a film that had to be seen in cinema.

The acting was also incredible and Lily Rose Depp announced herself on the big stage.

Vampometer: Needs a cough drop and a fingernail clipper but other then that pretty cool.

6. From Dusk Till Dawn

This is a film of two half’s, the first one which I liked, the second which just didn’t work for me. I think that the dramatic switch in genre could work, but the vampires in this film just came across as cheap and tacky to me. I guess they are modelled in the over the top ‘Evil Dead’ style but that was never really up my alley.

The scene in the gas station is the peak of this film for me. Quentin Tarantino’s character shoots the ranger for no reason and pretends its because the clerk made a signal to him. It’s a classic Tarantino scene with the characters having a petty argument while serious consequences and actions are taking place. Of course some of the credit also has to go to Robert Rodriquez who brings that cool, gritty, roadhouse style to the movie.

One cool fact about this film is that no CGI was used for the blowing up of the gas station. It had to be captured in one take, but it wasn’t as a camera malfunctioned…I really hope no one person was at fault…So they had to rebuild the set and pick it up again at the end of the production.

Vampometer: OTT.

5. Blade

This is the definition of a fun movie. Vampires at a rave getting slaughtered by a ninja with a samurai sword is quality entertainment. While the action scenes speak for themself, there is also enough substance in this story to make you care about the stories hero and the characters around him.

I haven’t seen the sequels but they don’t sound like much to write home about.

Vampometer: Would be great craic at a rave

4. Interview with a Vampire

This was a great spin on the vampire genre and a very original take at the time. Telling the story from the point of view of the vampires. It was also a brilliant concept whereby characters could live through numerous cent

The writers got great use out of the concept as they were able to exploit the vampires ability to live for a long time and tell a story across multiple time periods. Not may movies are able to provide this unique viewpoint.

Vampometer: Tom Cruise playing himself as per usual

3. Twilight

I’ve already written about the whole Twilight series on this so just to summarise again

“I find it funny how movies like this get shat on and have insanely low IMDB scores. These movies are intentionally over the top, soppy, and catered towards a certain demographic. Hating on these movies is the equivalent of a person who doesn’t like fish going to a sushi restaurant and leaving a bad review. What did you expect? I don’t think I am in the demographic these movies were targeted towards, wait no I’m definitely not, but I found them very stylistic, ironically funny, and to have enough substance within the characters that made me want to watch them to the end.”

Vampometer: I love you so much I’m gona fucking die ugh

2. Sinners

Sinners is fresh in the mind and like ‘From Dusk Till Dawn’ it only really becomes a vampire movie in the second half. In terms of concept, it’s also pretty similar to ‘30 Days of Night’, Vampires arrive at a small town that is busy getting ready for an event and wreak havoc. However it’s execution couldn’t be more different. Where as the vampires in the former had no obvious motive, the Vampires, namely Remmick, was fueled by a desire to oppress others as had been done to him in his past life. The Vampires were used as a median through which to explore and convey the themes of the story.

There was also a few scenes that completely surprised me:

1. The Vampires sing Rocky Road to Dublin

2. The music time warp

When you have seen as many movies as I have it’s rare to have a scene that catches you off guard in some way. Such a fresh take on the vampire genre.

Vampometer: Would invite to my wedding to perform Rocky Road to Dublin 100%

1. Bram Stokers Dracula

The OG Vampire. This is a great adaption for a number of reasons:

1. It sticks to the source material

2. It expands upon the source material in a meaningful way

3. It creates its own style without deviating from the tone of the source material

The set up and backstory for Dracula is a great addition and really helps you to understand his motivations throughout the film. Gary Oldman, who in my opinion is in the category of top three actors of all time, is of course amazing in this role. If you disagree that he is not one of the goat actors, show me others who are literally unrecognisable in multiple films.

While opposite Gary Oldman is one of the worst, if not the worst actor of all time, Keanu Reeves. If you disagree that he is not the worst, show me an actor who plays a plank of wood in multiple all of his films.

Massive credit to the production design, acting, and directing of this film on top of one of the greatest stories ever written. My GOAT Vampire film.

Vampometer: Badly needed moisturiser, or blood, either works.

Conclusion

If I’m missing any that you think I should watch let me know, except Abraham Lincoln Vampire Slayer, that can stay unwatched.

The next vampire film I want to see is an adaptation of Stephen King’s Salem’s Lot, that book properly creeped me out.

Let me know your favourite!